I Feel Like Such A Fool

I thought I was getting somewhere.  I thought that she was beginning to see that I could change, but she's not.  She doesn't care about us.  I know that now.

I can't keep hanging on hope that isn't there. I got told it wasn't fair, and I said I could deal with it, but I can't.  I give up.  For now at least.  It's just too painful.  I can't keep pouring my heart into something that's not there.  I need to deal with these feelings instead of praying that we get back together and they go away.

I know this sounds like I'm in a bad place, and to be honest I am, but not that bad.  So my family and friends can stop worrying.  I'm bound to have bad days, and this is one.  I'm sure it's got something to do with tomorrow.

I thought that if she came here for a drink we'd have fun and I dunno.  It just feels like everyone else is more important than me right now.

I have to stop looking for something that isn't there.  I just wish she'd tell me straight.

We can't be friends, I know that now.  Not now anyway.  Maybe in the future, when everything is weird and awkward.  But not now, because I read into everything.  The way she speaks to me, agreeing to see me, spending time with me, everything, and I can't do it.  I just can't.

I hope tomorrow goes quickly, I won't be rushing out of bed for it.  I hope it passes without me noticing.  That's my Christmas wish.