2012 - 2013

I thought 2012 had been a great year.  Up until December when everything went down hill.  But it's picked back up towards the end of December, and I'm feeling pretty positive about 2013.

In 2010 I wrote a new years resolution, it went like this;

In 2011 I promise that it will be a better year, for me and all those I care about. I promise to stop helping the people that don't appreciate it, and use more of my energy on the people who do appreciate it. I promise to put Kim and myself first for a change and do everything possible to make our dreams come true. I also promise to do everything in my power to make myself better so I can be a better person for my wife. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me through 2010, and those of you that haven't, I really don't care, I have enough people in my life that do care, and I won't be wasting my energy on you in 2011. Happy New Year everyone.

I didn't write one last year.  I'm not sure why.  I guess because everything was going ok.  I spent NYE here with my SIL (my side) and she spent it at work.  I hated being away from her for NYE. This year is no different.  I miss her.  I wish she would just take some time out of everything, away from everyone and think about her decision.  I don't know if she'd come to the same conclusion or not.  She may do.  She may not.  

I read a blog post a while back from Shades of Shayes it was a fictional piece she had written and it just resounded my thoughts on marriages, relationships etc.  Here it is if you'd like to read it.  Baggage.

I re-read it again yesterday to my SIL (my side) and it hit me all over again.

My new years resolution 2012 is to be happy in 2013.  I'm not sure how I'm going to go about it yet.  But hopefully it'll work itself out.  I don't want 2013 to be without her.  I don't not want her in my life.  But I don't know if we can find some middle ground to meet on.  Somewhere between all or nothing.

Totally forgot how much I enjoy drinking; going from the totally straight to slightly warm and fuzzy, to merry and smiley, haven't yet got to the off my face stage yet, but I'm hoping to at some point.

I need her to know that it's never too late.  It'll never be too late, not in my eyes, not yet.  I'm sure if she comes to me this time next Christmas I'll probably be in a different mind set.  But at the moment, if she changes her mind, and just wants to give something, anything a go.  I'll be here.  I just hope she's still reading my blog.  I still tell her I love her every night before I go to sleep.  She doesn't know that, because really I just tell myself.  But I always make sure I say I love you and good night.  Perhaps in someway it reaches her, through a whisper in her dreams maybe.

Anyway, I'm off to get slaughtered hopefully, and my phone is dying so I won't be able to text her.  Unless I find the charger that's around here somewhere...

Bedroom, Bedroom, Bedroom

It's nearly finished!

Today, my step dad put up my blind, my curtains, mirrors, clock, shelves, lights and telly brackets! He only came over to do the blind haha!

It looks amazing, so much nicer with some of the finishing touches in place, just need to wait for my bedding and other set of furniture!! I will upload photo's when the bedding arrives, at the moment it just looks silly with brown bedding on!  Bedding should hopefully arrive tomorrow as it was Dispatched on Saturday.

All in all today has been a very uneventful day.  I have thought about her, but not as much as yesterday.  I saw she liked something on Facebook and my gut did a few somersaults but that was all!

Spent some of the day at work, some of the day decorating my room and some of it trying to arrange where I'm going for NYE.  Can't believe how quick it's crept up on me.  Feels like everything is coming so fast, pretty soon it'll be valentines day (Eugh) and then my birthday (Yay!)

I think I'm going up to my SIL (my side) for NYE.  Spend it with her and my nephew and niece.  Get drunk, get merry and laugh.  That's what I think I need.

I'm kind of frightened that my floating shelves are going to fall on my head tonight...they're not quite flush with the wall and they're worrying me! I guess if I wake up with a bump in the morning I'll know why!

My bite didn't come out any more, I was quite disappointed since it hurt so much!  Still have a lump and the red teeth marks - god that child can bite!

I wonder if she's still reading this? I wonder if she wants to know what I'm doing?  I really hope that my every second thought will stop being about her soon.  I really do.  It's getting annoying now!

I wonder if she's going to keep my name? I have no idea how I'm going to feel if she changes it on Facebook, I think I'll be gutted.