Weight Loss

This evening I went to Slimmers World with my mum.  It was the most boring 2 hours of my life! We aren't 10, we don't need the book reading to us, it isn't difficult to understand that you can have 250ml of milk, or 2 slices of a certain brand of bread!

I don't have a 'target weight' and I don't want one.  I think that will either depress me if I'm not getting there or when I reach it I'll be like 'oh well, I've done it, now I can stop'.  So my goal is to fit comfortably into my size 14's.  If I get there and feel like still going, then I will.  But I don't want a target weight.  That's not for me.

I weighed in tonight, at 12 stone 13 lbs.  I'm not impressed with this at all.  I have never been this heavy.  And I'm bloody single.  Couldn't have been my lightest now could I? No, that would be easy!  Bloody comfort making you put on weight.  I will not get comfortable in a relationship again.  Ever.

I spoke to my boss today, and he's given me work to my favourite school all next week.  These are kids with severe learning disabilities, most of them with serious health problems as well, and many have physical difficulties as well as mental.  But I love it.  I've always loved working with these children.  Ever since I was at school and used my 'golden points' to visit them on a Friday afternoon.  Being there next week will also give me the brilliant opportunity to apply for a job as a relief teaching assistant.  I'm hoping that through that I will be able to apply for a full time teaching assistant job, and then perhaps from there complete my teaching degree.  I have already completed 2.5 years of my teaching degree, but due to mental illness I left with only 3 assignments to finish.  I have the opportunity to return.  And I also have the opportunity to leave with what I have and gain a degree in education.  Whilst this would ultimately be beneficial, it isn't what I want.  I didn't put 2 years in a school, 2 years in at college and nearly 3 at uni to leave with a degree I didn't aim for.  And now I'm feeling better, perhaps I will be able to complete it.

I also had an appointment through for 'elective' surgery on my wrist.  It's for the end of this month.  But I won't have anyone to look after me.  I'll need pretty much 24 hour care for the first 2 weeks, and I don't have anyone who can give me that, not with the intimate care needed with washing and dressing.  I'm going to put it off for a few months, perhaps then I'll have someone who can help me with that, or perhaps me and her will be in a better position of friends to ask her to care for me, she's the only person at the moment I'd allow to do it, but she's also the only person who I dare not ask.

Everything happens for a reason, and something will work out.