Everything's going to come out...

Well, well, well.

Image courtesy of rottenecards. I feel really bad for her. He's going to read this. Since Mr. maturesexforolderwomen - yep that's his email address! has subscribed to my blog. I also feel really bad for myself. I feel exposed. Naked. Intruded upon. This is my outlet. For me. I don't write for anyone else. I know now and again I have a post specifically for her. But mostly, it's a way to get out what I'm feeling. To talk to myself. To reason with myself. It helps me to make sense of things. When I write it, I see it in a different light, I can answer my own questions. Now do I even have that? If I'm brutally honest on my blog and he's still reading it, then I feel it's not fair to her. Because this stuff was meant to 'stay between us'. But I need an outlet. I don't write about the sex stuff etc. because my mother reads it. But I don't need to talk about that. I talk about that with my SIL. This is for my emotions, my feelings, her words that confuse the hell out of her but mean everything to me. I understand her, when she does something, I know why she does it. When she says things, I can make sense of them for her. That's why I need my blog. I guess deleting the posts wasn't good enough, since they come to your email directly written - clever that. Unless you don't want them to. I'm also angry that he's snooping on her, on me, on us. If he's snooping here, where else is he snooping? My FB? Her FB? That's different, that's a social networking site, that's not so bad. But he shouldn't be snooping on her already. What sort of weirdo subscribes to your lover's wife's blog?!? See, I always feel so much better when I write on here. I suppose I could switch to the old traditional form of journalling. But then my wrist would hurt, and when I was hurting December 2012, I wanted to read someone else's experiences. So perhaps this will help someone else. I don't know. All I know is I've got to keep writing, whether it's here, or somewhere else...